i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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