none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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