is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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