dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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