I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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