i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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