At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
