So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
