the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
