Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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