Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
