I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Randomize
