Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
