That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
