I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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