Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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