I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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