grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
