i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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