living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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