she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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