dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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