Quick, to the slutcave!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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