Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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