there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
