yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
