I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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