If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
