Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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