Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
