You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
