3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
