I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
