Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
BRING THE BAGELS
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
