Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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