We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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