grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
