okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
