my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
