You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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