I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she pinky promised me she was 18
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
