No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
