Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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