Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
