I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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