I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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