OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
