I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
