god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
