I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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