why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
