Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
