you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
