TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
