I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
