Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
