uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
