I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
